You Don’t Have to be Perfect: Telfed's Survival Skills for Living in Israel

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The move from Southern Africa to Israel is an all-encompassing life experience. As the social worker at Telfed I have observed that Southern African olim are often bewildered by the way Israeli society thinks and behaves.  It could be that some Israeli social norms that are regarded on your arrival here as “negative”, could actually be social norms that are “positive” and that understanding and embracing these norms could facilitate your Klita process.

 For example, in Southern Africa social interactions are formalized. Meetings with friends and play dates for children are planned long ahead. In Israel, people are more spontaneous. Your children may come home from school and say that they are invited to friends that very afternoon, that is the Israeli way. Local friends may also want to make plans with you the same day they contact you. This is not a slight; it is just the spontaneous way that life is lived here in Israel. The plus is that you and your family can become more   “spontaneous” yourselves and shed any feeling of guilt when calling people “at the last minute”. In Israel you don’t have to be perfect.

In Southern Africa, people are stigmatized by the way they speak English.  Speaking less than perfect English may be connected to the environment where you were brought up.  In Israel speaking less than perfect, heavily accented Hebrew is the norm in a country that has been historically peopled by olim; people who have chosen to come to live their lives in the Jewish state.  Seventy languages are spoken in Israel besides Hebrew.  Suffice to say that most of the people who speak these seventy languages have heavily accented Hebrew. So remember when you are trying out your newly acquired Hebrew: you are proud of your cultural heritage, you are proud of the fact that you made aliya, you don’t have to be perfect and you do not have to speak Hebrew perfectly.

On arrival in Israel you are eligible to receive Hebrew lessons at ulpan for free. Ulpan is essential. Don’t expect to leave ulpan speaking perfect Hebrew. Your knowledge of the Hebrew language will be built on the basics that you acquire in ulpan and don’t fool yourself into thinking that you will learn the language without ulpan.  Don’t be ashamed to ask questions in ulpan, or to even admit that you don’t understand something in the lesson. As a student in ulpan you don’t have to be perfect. 
 
Decision making in Southern Africa is often guided by information received from friends, family and service providers. In Israel, decision making is based on information gathering not only from other people but from the Web and from other printed sources. Israeli’s are a suspicious breed; they don’t trust any one source and are always looking for reliable, current information.  Olim would do well to adapt this trait as in Israel no one information source is perfect.

It is easy to be put off by the openness of native Israel’s. People will start a conversation with you anywhere, on the street, at the health clinic, on the bus. This openness is often accompanied by what they perceive as “good advice”. For example, “Your child should have a hat on in this sunlight” or “Don’t buy this, it is cheaper/better somewhere else.” In truth, the advice givers are often right, your baby should wear a hat in the Israeli sun and goods are priced competitively. You may not have been looking for advice, but this is what you are getting and it is not meant as a criticism, but rather to be helpful. Remember, you are not perfect so why not accept some good advice from the veterans?

If you are in need of assistance, in Israel you do not need to be embarrassed to ask for it. Forgot your sun tan lotion? Ask the person lying on the beach beside you and they will be happy to give you theirs. Don’t know what kind of meat to buy? Ask the butcher and he/she will also probably tell you how to prepare it. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect there is always someone happy to help if you need something.

Israel is a small country – the size of the Kruger National Park. Therefore the concept of “personal space" is different than what you are used to in the vast country of South Africa. In Israel people will plunk themselves right on top of you at the beach or park; they virtually stand on your heels in the line at the supermarket and talk right “in your face”. This is something one just has to get used to.

The Klita process saps a lot of energy from us, however, since you have chosen to live in Israel it is worth investing  effort  in order to learn Israeli mannerisms and “the way that  things are done here”,. Each country has its own norms and these norms are connected to historic and cultural factors. If you can’t beat them, join them!

In conclusion, one may be put off by certain aspects of the Israeli street, however, veteran Israelis are allowed to be who they are and what may seem “different” to us as olim is “normal” here in Israel.  Israeli’s are not “perfect” so why should we try to be?

Written by:
Louise Geva
Social Worker
Telfed